Loosing Vision, Gaining Perspective


May 1, 2020.
That was my return date.
10:00 AM.
That was take off time.

May 1, 10:00 AM has me sitting at my desk in my classroom. Pachelbel's Canon is playing quietly. I'm not leaving any time soon. This morning had me deeply grateful I was sitting at the kitchen table eating eggs with my dear people instead of in an airport dealing with some serious emotions. At the same time there is a twinge of longing. Wishing life was stable. Wishing there was a solid plan that wouldn't be subject to change if the wind happened to be in the East. I feel like I've lost my vision. I can see directly in front of me, I know what to do this weekend. But next month? In three months? I have no idea what my life will be like. One of my greatest fears has always been loosing my eyesight. Without it I'd loose a great deal of my intuitive nature, on which I heavily rely. I use my eyes to read people. I use my eyes to communicate when I don't have words. I'd feel very lost with out them. That's kind of how I feel now. Lost. A little bit lonely, a little bit lost, a little bit scared. Like I want to wear my hair in braids, wear oversized sweat shirts, drink tea, and lay my head on someone's shoulder.

   I discovered a place at the creek. Mostly hidden from view of the outside world, and overlooking the Kingfishers favourite fishing spot, it's become my favourite place to talk to God. And... I spend a lot of time there. I told God if He's going to throw all the plot twists and unknown's into my life He will have to put up with me asking many many questions, talking to Him a couple of hundred times every day, and asking Him to help with just as many problems. I know what's going on though. God took my vision away so I would learn to have blind trust in Him and His process. It's been a process to be sure. But, I'm learning. When all you have left are His promises and blind trust, you have enough. It is all you need. When the world around us is thrown out of whack, and when our vision is blurred or completely gone, that's where Faithfulness comes in. It's not so much that we are full of faith, but that Jesus is Faithful. It's not so much that we have so much trust, but that He is trustworthy. It doesn't matter if we have faith at all, Jesus never changes. His nature doesn't change with our circumstances.
The only thing that changes is our perception of how responsible we are to keep everything together. For all the times I've cried because I don't know what to do next, for all the times I've panicked because something didn't happen the way I was planning, never once was I actually asked to know all the details or make the plan happen. The only thing I've been asked to do in life is to trust the Father's plan, and be willing and ready to go and do as He directs. He is the Father, after all, and he has every right to change the game plan whenever he choses.

So, trust it is. I'm glad about it. Not to be a Pollyanna or anything, but this means I get two more delicious months with my Australian family, and ample opportunity to see and do so much more. Here's to trusting the process and being thankful and happy.



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