Because God

Excitement. Fear. Determination. Uncertainty. 

I woke up at 4:30 that morning. Wide awake. Into the car and down the motorway for an hour. Onto the clean white sand, and soon jogging down the surf with white spray misting my face. Who is this person? The one that’s awake early and running. Yes, running. I don’t run. Ever. Not for the joy of it anyway. I stopped running after that boy in 6th grade laughed and said I couldn’t run. I stopped doing many things back then. 

Because Fear. 

Fear of not being able to live up to who I wanted to be.

Fear controls. It's an invisible paw, crippling and detrimental. It suffocates and exhausts. Living under, around, and in people, it takes complete control. It is able to dictate every area of a person's thoughts, emotions, and decisions. Nothing is too small or too large for it to wrap it's little vines tightly around the vulnerable, and never let go. Nothing is too dense, for it can seep through. In its mildest form, it simply discourages growth. But it is never content. Never enough. Never satisfied until it has wrapped and wormed it's way into every aspect of life. At its prime it has taken complete control. It feeds on lies and insecurities. It's a loud scream that overrides rational thoughts. Its rancid glare is brighter than any ray of hope. Fear kills. It kills motivation, it kills hopes and dreams. It murders anything bearing the resemblance of freedom.  

But God. 

I faced a fear that morning. Let my eyes drink in the flickering light, let the salty breeze brush my flushed face. (I'll probably never love how my face turns some shade of poppy red at the mere mention of physical activity.) But I ran. I ran because it’s exercise. It’s freedom. It’s doing something I’ve been afraid to do.

With morning came a new chapter. A brand new surface, waiting to be tread upon with the marks, scars, tears, joys, and beauty of another century. 

But God. 

But God.

We are never left without answers. Ever. Never have we been given a problem with no solution. Not once have we been forsaken in the Valley of the Shadow. 

I know it doesn't always feel that way,

But God. 

My fear of running is a lame example. I know fear's control is far more damaging than just convincing someone that running for sport is a bad idea. I've had the little fingers wrapped around my rational thought for years. It was fear that kept me from playing sports. Fear kept me from pursuing hobbies. Fear kept me from trying new things. Fear kept me from sharing my faith. It kept me from forgiving. It kept me from meaningful relationships. There was fear of man, fear of not being good enough, fear of the unknown, and so much more. You get the point. 

I read the verses. I sang the songs. I prayed. 

Fear is a hard master. 

And then, Jesus. 

Jesus, the one who conquered even death itself. 

The man, who, under horrible brutal conditions, died, innocent, yet condemned, so you and I can be free. 

In worship this morning, Nathan led "Because He Lives." I've always loved that song. This morning it hit different again. 

"Because He lives, I can face tomorrow

because He lives, all fear is gone,

because I know He holds the future,

I can face uncertain days because He lives." 

Because God. Because He was willing to come live and work and breathe among humankind. Because God sent His son to die for us. Because Jesus took all of it; the horrible, brutal, insufferable death. He did the impossible, defying even the grave itself. Because of all of that, even the strongest of strongholds fall to smithereens in the light of the glorious person of Jesus Christ. That's why I ran that morning. Because GOD is stronger than fear.

It wasn't until I allowed my fear to stare into the face of the One who died so I can be free, that those little claws began to break. The vines so tightly wrapped around my mind and heart snapped like string in the light of His glory and grace. 

And with each broken torn piece, it's replacement settled in. Excitement. Determination. Peace. Love. Forgiveness. As each small part of my marred existence was torn away, I felt myself begin to fall. No longer trapped by the fear holding me down, and gently pushed by my Heavenly Father (Who knows exactly how hard to push me over the edge) I fell. Away from bondage and into a world of freedom. A world of scary but rewarding and fulfilling experiences. And it is in that world that I am thriving. Thriving hard, I might add. Not because life is a seamlessly smooth Sunday picnic, but because I'm not afraid. I'm not afraid of the the things that used to haunt me. Even the most simple things like my terror of moths and the dark aren't front and centre like they once were.

But God. 

But God. 

Life hands you pretty things sometimes. Pain that knocks you off your feet. Fun, happy, peace filled moments. Everything in between. 

I've had all of it. 

But, God. 

I can't stop, won't stop making a big deal out of Jesus. 

He's the answer.

Fear, is a liar. 

And Jesus is the answer. 

He has not given us the spirit of fear, but of love, and of a sound mind.

Amen.