Yellow

 My favourite colour. The colour of my middle name. The colour of sunshine and pineapple and sunflowers and lemonade and my favourite shirt. There is a particular shade of yellow that is my favourite. I used to wear it often, and people always commented on it and said I look good in that colour. This is no secret. But what people don't know is that yellow has also been one of my biggest and most feared triggers. Because yellow is the colour I was wearing the day the world showed me just how cruel and godless it can be. Yellow became a dirty colour. The colour that triggered panic attacks. The colour in my nightmares. Healing took years. In part, because I refused to admit that damage had been done, and partly because healing just takes longer. Sometimes I could wear yellow, and I'd be okay. And then someone would give me a genuine compliment, not knowing the innocent attention sent me spiralling. I would go home in desperately shove every piece of yellow clothing I owned into the furthest corner of my closest and cry long and hard. Honestly, some of it is still in storage. The other day I wore my favourite yellow shirt to work and didn't think twice. My coworker (if you're reading this, thank you for saying something.) said, "Bethany you should really wear yellow more often. It suits you so well." Without missing a beat my heart went 'thunk'. The crippling voice in my head, "hey yellow girl." But then something new happened. Another voice. A gentle, pure choice, full of love, speaking words that began an entirely different narrative. "You look good in yellow and that's okay." My breathing evened. I went on with my day. A week later I was wearing yellow again and another co-worker commented on it. This time my heart didn't miss a beat, those pure and kind words rang out loud and clear. My Easter dress is yellow again this year. Last year it ended in tears. I wore that dress only once since. But I think I'm going to be okay with this new rhythm. It took a lot of patience. A lot of tears. a lot of 'please God, redeem this.' A lot of Forgiveness. The shards of glass that cut my heart were yellow. The single thread of mercy that stitched it back together was also yellow. And now there are a few yellow pieces in this mosaic of mercy that He is making out of my life. I'm glad about that. Because yellow really is my favourite colour. 

Friend, this is why He took that cross. This is why He sweated drops of blood. This is why He hung there until he died. Because there is no other way for us to be healed. And even though his blood was shed thousands of years ago, it's still as restorative and redemptive and effective as it was then. It doesn't expire and it doesn't run out and it will never stop washing our sins and covering out hurt and our pain and it will never stop flowing over us and healing us. And if you think you've gone too far or have been hurt too badly or abused too much, guess again, because you aren't great enough to escape it. For it flows to every corner of every heart and into every crack of every story. There is no way you are a lost cause. Your Way Maker is with you.