Chapter 11:11

May 1, 2020. That was my return date. 10:00 AM. That was take off time. May 1, 10:00 AM has me sitting at my desk in my classroom. Pachelbel's Canon is playing quietly. I'm not leaving any time soon. This morning had me deeply grateful I was sitting at the kitchen table eating eggs with my dear people instead of in an airport dealing with some serious emotions. At the same time there is a twinge of longing. Wishing life was stable. Wishing there was a solid plan that wouldn't be subject to change if the wind happened to be in the East. I feel like I've lost my vision. I can see directly in front of me, I know what to do this weekend. But next month? In three months? I have no idea what my life will be like. One of my greatest fears has always been loosing my eyesight. Without it I'd loose a great deal of my intuitive nature, on which I heavily rely. I use my eyes to read people. I use my eyes to communicate when I don't have words. I'd feel v...

Excitement. Fear. Determination. Uncertainty.   I woke up at 4:30 that morning. Wide awake. Into the car and down the motorway for an hour. Onto the clean white sand, and soon jogging down the surf with white spray misting my face. Who is this person? The one that’s awake early and running. Yes, running. I don’t run. Ever. Not for the joy of it anyway. I stopped running after that boy in 6th grade laughed and said I couldn’t run. I stopped doing many things back then.   Because Fear.   Fear of not being able to live up to who I wanted to be. Fear controls. It's an invisible paw, crippling and detrimental. It suffocates and exhausts. Living under, around, and in people, it takes complete control. It is able to dictate every area of a person's thoughts, emotions, and decisions. Nothing is too small or too large for it to wrap it's little vines tightly around the vulnerable, and never let go. Nothing is too dense, for it can seep through. In its mil...