Querencia
n. a place from which ones strength of character is drawn.
Honestly, this post has been put off for days and days because I just simply cannot seem to put into words what's happening. I've started and stopped countless times. Begging my brain to put words to everything in my heart. Because my heart is overflowing.
I told someone before I left for AU that I had a gut feeling God was going to use it to teach me something. There really is no way of being prepared to be taught something. My head almost doesn't know how to keep up with it. I've been given permission to rest. That's about the simplest way to say it. It sounds redundant. For the past year, I've been fighting. Fighting to keep my head above water, fighting to stay away from the status quo, fighting for peace, for restoration, fighting for my life. Through it all, Jesus was my strength and shield. Through it all, I was never once alone. Through every single hellish night, there was a power greater than I, who fought and won every battle. Praise Jesus. But it was exhausting. I knew I was tired. I knew my spirit was weary. But it didn't matter much, because I knew when I was weak, I was made strong. I knew my strength wasn't coming from me. I knew who I was before a Holy God. And then January rolled around, and God asked something very strange. He asked me to learn to trust the process; In quietness and confidence. The mental picture pleased me very much. After the chaos I'd been through- some self inflicted, some out of my control, quietly confident sounded like a haven. I readily agreed, although I was confused as to just how it would work out. Fast forward a month and here I am, settled very agreeably in the heart of the rolling hills of Gympie. I've found a querencia. And I've found I don't very well know how to be quiet. Away from life as I knew it God was able to show me some facts about myself that I didn't particularly enjoy seeing. I haven't learned to be at rest. I don't know how to quiet my heart and mind, and just simply be, in the presence of God. With no pressing needs, no great trauma to cry about, no listlessness. And here, I've been given permission to be quiet. In fact, I've been asked to be quiet. To just simply rest in the presence of Jesus. To sit there, and learn from his Word, and talk to him about my day, and thank him for sunshine. And nothing more. I feel like I've burst through the desperate crashing, and found myself in a quiet haven, separate from the rest of the world, and asked to stay a while. It's confusing for me how difficult it is to accept. I feel like I need to be stressed out about something. I feel like I'm neglecting situations back home by not being involved. Like maybe I'm missing something in my life that needs attention. One thing I really stress about is what I will do once I'm back home. I don't have a job, I don't have money, (haha what's new) I don't have a single clue as to which direction to take my life after I fly home. Yes, I think about that with consternation at least 3 times a week. But every time I do, I'm faced with a choice.
God's sense of humour surprises you some times. I think he intentionally made it so. He purposely gave me unknowns so I would have to make a choice; to rest and be quiet, or to bring the frantic stressing here. I made a decision. If God wants to teach me how to rest, I'm going to learn. If he asks me to be still, I'm going to do it with my whole heart. I cry on a regular basis these days. I feel so unbelievably undeserving of this. In this beautiful place I am surrounded by some of the most breathtaking nature. I knew the world is a beautiful place in general, but seeing the crystal blue of the Pacific coast, alongside the lush, green, rolling hills of the countryside, and on top of it all, the endless sky, deep blue or dotted with huge puffy clouds and warm sunshine. The thing that really brings tears is the people I'm with. God bless them forever and ever, taking me, pretty much a stranger, into their hearts and homes. They continue to make me feel like I'm home. God's been using them to teach me how to receive well. It's difficult to be ok with being told about 5 times a week that I'm a blessing and that I'm attractive. Not gonna lie.
My heart feels like I've found a home.
Here's the catch.
My heart hasn't found a home in Australia. (No mistaking, I would come back in half a heart beat of course) But the Lord has given my heart a home, deep in the centre of his perfect will. And I've never felt more secure. I'm sorry it's taken so long for me to find it. Writing this, I'm tearing up. His plans are still to PROSPER, he has NOT forgotten us. You don't need to be whisked away to some tropical wonderland. You don't need to be rescued from your present destress. Jesus has a home for your wandering and searching heart. He has a haven of perfect peace and rest, near to His own heart. The secret? Draw near to the heart of God. It's not a crashing and thrashing process. He's not hard to find. It's learning to stray from the pressure of life. It's learning to get away, and be quiet. It's learning to come into the presence of Jesus with no greater desire than to be in His presence and refresh your soul in His word. LIFE is poured out. I can really truly say, It is well, exceedingly well, with my soul. Praise, honour, and glory be to the name of Jesus, for it is HE alone, who can do things far above anything we ask or think.
P.s. I apologize to anyone who actually read the whole thing and had to suffer through my run on sentences, gross over-usage of commas, and random jumping around of thoughts and ideas. My only desire in publishing this is to point you to the peace and rest that is in Christ Jesus, and tell you a little bit about how Jesus is teaching me to do that. Much love.
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| querencia |
Honestly, this post has been put off for days and days because I just simply cannot seem to put into words what's happening. I've started and stopped countless times. Begging my brain to put words to everything in my heart. Because my heart is overflowing.
I told someone before I left for AU that I had a gut feeling God was going to use it to teach me something. There really is no way of being prepared to be taught something. My head almost doesn't know how to keep up with it. I've been given permission to rest. That's about the simplest way to say it. It sounds redundant. For the past year, I've been fighting. Fighting to keep my head above water, fighting to stay away from the status quo, fighting for peace, for restoration, fighting for my life. Through it all, Jesus was my strength and shield. Through it all, I was never once alone. Through every single hellish night, there was a power greater than I, who fought and won every battle. Praise Jesus. But it was exhausting. I knew I was tired. I knew my spirit was weary. But it didn't matter much, because I knew when I was weak, I was made strong. I knew my strength wasn't coming from me. I knew who I was before a Holy God. And then January rolled around, and God asked something very strange. He asked me to learn to trust the process; In quietness and confidence. The mental picture pleased me very much. After the chaos I'd been through- some self inflicted, some out of my control, quietly confident sounded like a haven. I readily agreed, although I was confused as to just how it would work out. Fast forward a month and here I am, settled very agreeably in the heart of the rolling hills of Gympie. I've found a querencia. And I've found I don't very well know how to be quiet. Away from life as I knew it God was able to show me some facts about myself that I didn't particularly enjoy seeing. I haven't learned to be at rest. I don't know how to quiet my heart and mind, and just simply be, in the presence of God. With no pressing needs, no great trauma to cry about, no listlessness. And here, I've been given permission to be quiet. In fact, I've been asked to be quiet. To just simply rest in the presence of Jesus. To sit there, and learn from his Word, and talk to him about my day, and thank him for sunshine. And nothing more. I feel like I've burst through the desperate crashing, and found myself in a quiet haven, separate from the rest of the world, and asked to stay a while. It's confusing for me how difficult it is to accept. I feel like I need to be stressed out about something. I feel like I'm neglecting situations back home by not being involved. Like maybe I'm missing something in my life that needs attention. One thing I really stress about is what I will do once I'm back home. I don't have a job, I don't have money, (haha what's new) I don't have a single clue as to which direction to take my life after I fly home. Yes, I think about that with consternation at least 3 times a week. But every time I do, I'm faced with a choice.
God's sense of humour surprises you some times. I think he intentionally made it so. He purposely gave me unknowns so I would have to make a choice; to rest and be quiet, or to bring the frantic stressing here. I made a decision. If God wants to teach me how to rest, I'm going to learn. If he asks me to be still, I'm going to do it with my whole heart. I cry on a regular basis these days. I feel so unbelievably undeserving of this. In this beautiful place I am surrounded by some of the most breathtaking nature. I knew the world is a beautiful place in general, but seeing the crystal blue of the Pacific coast, alongside the lush, green, rolling hills of the countryside, and on top of it all, the endless sky, deep blue or dotted with huge puffy clouds and warm sunshine. The thing that really brings tears is the people I'm with. God bless them forever and ever, taking me, pretty much a stranger, into their hearts and homes. They continue to make me feel like I'm home. God's been using them to teach me how to receive well. It's difficult to be ok with being told about 5 times a week that I'm a blessing and that I'm attractive. Not gonna lie.My heart feels like I've found a home.
Here's the catch.
My heart hasn't found a home in Australia. (No mistaking, I would come back in half a heart beat of course) But the Lord has given my heart a home, deep in the centre of his perfect will. And I've never felt more secure. I'm sorry it's taken so long for me to find it. Writing this, I'm tearing up. His plans are still to PROSPER, he has NOT forgotten us. You don't need to be whisked away to some tropical wonderland. You don't need to be rescued from your present destress. Jesus has a home for your wandering and searching heart. He has a haven of perfect peace and rest, near to His own heart. The secret? Draw near to the heart of God. It's not a crashing and thrashing process. He's not hard to find. It's learning to stray from the pressure of life. It's learning to get away, and be quiet. It's learning to come into the presence of Jesus with no greater desire than to be in His presence and refresh your soul in His word. LIFE is poured out. I can really truly say, It is well, exceedingly well, with my soul. Praise, honour, and glory be to the name of Jesus, for it is HE alone, who can do things far above anything we ask or think.
P.s. I apologize to anyone who actually read the whole thing and had to suffer through my run on sentences, gross over-usage of commas, and random jumping around of thoughts and ideas. My only desire in publishing this is to point you to the peace and rest that is in Christ Jesus, and tell you a little bit about how Jesus is teaching me to do that. Much love.
Very good! Thanks for sharing.
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