Evergreen


“Sorrow may close the chapter, but the story will end with laughter.” 

I hate Change. I hate when pieces of my childhood have to become memories and pictures instead of a place to call home. These seasons of change are like the in between, November and March. Rather ugly and slightly messy with a chance of mud. Change is letting go of what you willed to stay the same. Letting go of what you took for granted would never change. Maybe change is as simple as saying goodbye to the cabin, woods, and pine trees you’ve known for 18 years. Maybe it’s as complicated as getting used to living life without someone you loved. Maybe it’s as hard as realizing everything you are, or thought you were, has amounted to exactly a cup full of bitter ashes. And you’re left standing there. Sunlight streaming through the soft green needles. Asking “Why, God?”  
This Christmas, I realized in a new way, the reason we shrink from things becoming different. The reason we stare into the sky and cry “Why, God.” We are scared of Surrender. That awful word that means our lives will be turned upside down and inside out. That word that brings change and different things and pain and heartache. We talk about the end result, the peace and joy that comes from surrender. We never mention how hard the process of refining really is. No, I’m being dead serious. No one wants to acknowledge that it involves surgery. No one wants to admit that it will include things being cut out, burnt down, thrown away, chopped down, crushed
to a pulp and utterly destroyed. Things like our will, pride, plans, dreams, ambitions, world views, way of life, and everything we think we are. True surrender means all that and more will be taken away, and demolished. It will be traded for the will of God, His plans, His dreams, His goals, His world View, His way of life. Until there is absolutely nothing left of what you used to be. And then when you think it’s all over, and you’ve finally reached the mark, it’s going to happen all over again as God takes you deeper and deeper into a relationship with Him. 

In a devotional I read recently, there 
was a daily challenge to complete. One day the challenge was this; “start praying one radical prayer every day.” So I started doing that. And ever since my life and everything I thought I knew, the very foundation on which I stood, has been taken and turned upside down. As piece after piece of my life falls to the ground and shatters I cry, “Why, God.” But I keep praying the same prayer everyday. And He keeps trimming and cutting and burning and tearing and crushing. My life is not my own. It’s turning into something I don’t recognize anymore. It’s being changed. The pain is so real sometimes I feel physically sick. Giving up control. I’m just being real here, I’m no saint. And at this point I have nothing to say about the end result. This stuff about surrender being beautiful... I mean.. take it seriously folks. It’s not a beautiful mess. It’s icky. It’s dusty. It’s awful. It’s real life. And it’s not beautiful. 

But I can say this. It’s the best most healing thing that can happen to your life. Jesus isn’t a hateful monster just waiting for half a chance to wreck your life. In wrecking your life he gives you gifts and blessing and peace not known to the old man. His Spirit fills you and sustains you. His blood gives you abundant life. You are able to live and dwell and abide in Him. And in the end. At the very end of your life, when you have become more and more like your Saviour, when He looks at 
you and says “Well Done.” Then. Then you will be able to say it has been made beautiful. In His time. In His way. All things will be made beautiful. 

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