Surrender: The Greatest Battle You Will Ever Win

Well, I'm 18 now. Do I look 18, act 18, think 18, or realize that I am now a legal adult that needs to act like one?
Um, no. How are adults even supposed to act? Has anyone figured that out yet? I was petrified of this birthday. No honestly, I spent the last night of my 17th year crying my eyes out on the bathroom floor because I was so scared of actually being 18. Its just a birthday, you say. You're right. It is. And age is just a number. I am by no means old now. But I was crying because as a little girl I always had a picture in my mind of what I would be when I turned 18. Who I would be. What I would be doing. It was who I would be in the future. And suddenly, the future was now, and I was so very far from the girl I had hoped to be.
 It was all very startling, confusing, devastating, and scary. What had I been doing with my life all these years? Why was I not where I thought I needed to be? What happened? So I cried, and asked God why. And, then like most times, the simple truth of it all hit me, again. Somehow I missed it, again. "Surrender. Bethany, you think you need to be in control. You need to be right. You need to work all by yourself. But I just need you to surrender. I need you to lay your life down, pick up your cross again, and surrender." The words were oh so clear, and oh so painful. No, no. Me? Needing control? Haven't we been over this already? Surrender. It is the hardest battle to win. It doesn't make sense. How can you win a battle by surrendering? Check the history books, every battle ever won was not won by surrendering. That's the thing about this warfare we are in. We are called to surrender. 
Suddenly things started making sense. I realized there were things, many things, I had not nailed to the cross. There were areas I was surrendered, and there were also places labeled, "God, do not touch." I wanted Jesus. I wanted forgiveness. I wanted heaven. But I didn't want to surrender completely. I wanted to negotiate with God. "You can have 80 percent. 80 percent God! Just don't try touching the 20 percent. That's for me to take care of." And that right there was the exact reason I was so far from where I wanted to be. We somehow expect God to take us places in life by only giving him part of us. You can't expect your mom to make cookies that turn out if you refuse to give her the flour. (Okay, that's a terrible example. But you get the point.) It just doesn't work. 

 So we surrender. Again. And again. And again. It's not a one day job. It takes a life time. Today you think you are fully surrendered, tomorrow He asks for something more. But we keep surrendering our whole life to Him, because its out of a totally surrendered heart and life that the most beautiful lives are lived. Easy ones? For SURE no. But beautiful, meaningful, well lived ones? Absolutely. 

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