Chapter 11:11

 I've always been very independent. The thought of being "needy" made me cringe. An "independent woman who needs no man" was my quote of the year for several years in my early teenage life. I did everything I knew how to meet my own needs. I wanted to fix my own car and open my own pickle jar. I didn't want to ask for a hug or be one of those super emotional girls so I learned the art of giving myself a hug. (Google it, it's actually a thing!) I wanted to be known for being many things, but being needy was out of the question.  Looking back I've often tried to figure out where and when I decided it was a weakness to have needs that required other people's help. I'm not exactly sure I know. All I know is that I wanted to be capable. I hated being underestimated. I hated being told I couldn't do something because I was a girl. Few things give me more joy than accomplishing something someone said I wouldn't be able to do. Because somehow...

 "But I'm restless, I'm restless, 'till I rest in You."       My soul connects with the thrashing moody sea in a way it connects with nothing else. Watching the wild waves come crashing in and the wind mercilessly blow anything unstable where ever it chooses, I feel like it understands the turmoil of the human heart. I feel like the chaos in my soul is given permission to rest and I can let the earth and sky do the groaning and thrashing for me. I feel so safe here. I've learned to hold on to and bask in these moments of peace and safety as they pass by and to never take them for granted. The world is a cruel place where sin abounds in heaps and dozens. Even in the church. There is evil and madness and destruction under every tree these days. The vulnerable are crushed and the powerful worshiped. Oh, I get so weary of it all. I long for peace and rest and safety. I know full well 'tis only heaven where these things will be without interruption, so it is fo...